Maybe it has always been there. Lurking in the back of my mind. Maybe they are thoughts I have carried around since childhood. Maybe it’s the result of genetic imprinting. I don’t know. What I do know is that more and more it’s all I think about. It has became an obsession. I’ve tried to push it the back of my mind. Tried telling myself men shouldn’t think like this, but then I see kids playing in a park or walk past a school and my urges come to the forefront. Its instinctual, a deep down primal urge.
There’s a hole in my life – I’ve tried filling it with sex and drugs and electronic dance music. With TV and movies and football and beer. But that hole is the size of a small child.
I want to be called a daddy. I want to have a purpose. I want to give life meaning.